Decision Fatigue
The Internet is an endless wellspring of information, and while this boosts the imagination, curiosity, and the search for knowledge, it’s also made the truth far more opaque. Although the human brain can do some pretty extraordinary things, processing an unfathomable volume of information still leads to cognitive gridlock and confusion, especially for aspiring good parents.
Parents just want to do the right thing for their children, but like our grandparents always said, kids don’t come with an instruction manual. This old saying was the classic scapegoat excuse for bad parenting, but things were simpler then. Back in the day, new parents could either take the advice from their own flawed parents or they could buy a handful of parenting books authored by ex-child psychologists or former pediatric doctors, forging their own parenting path. With limited information and very few jurors weighing in on every parenting decision, parents may have made mistakes, but at least they were less likely to second-guess themselves.
Via u/tayflem
In the social media age, parents juggle the input of every amateur parenting blog, famous momfluencer, unlicensed midwife, and snake oil-style pediatrician, all trying to vie for views, likes, and subscribers online. To compete with the other noise online, self-acclaimed “parenting experts” spew opinions, contradictions, and misinformation, inciting overinformed confusion and causing a stalemate of doubt in the well-intentioned parents’ mind. Doing the right thing has never been more convoluted.
Therefore, in the modern era, bad parenting stems primarily from decision fatigue, a physical manifestation of the exhaustion people feel when they’ve debated over a pro/con list for too long. Parents are tired of critically examining every little moment for their kids. However, since parents are executive authority figures in their kids’ lives, they’re forced to make decisions that affect their child’s wellbeing on a daily basis. It’s completely overwhelming.
Should children eat carrots for their eye health or are multivitamins a better source of nutrition? Can microplastics be transmitted from diapers through the baby’s skin? Would my kid be better suited for bilingual private school or the neighborhood public school down the street? As a parent who just wants what’s best for their child, the cacophony of social media momfluencer content only exacerbates a doubting mind.
Second-guessing every little thing they do for their offspring makes parents weary of making decisions, and thus, burns out a parent’s ability to make instinctive calls. With the overwhelming amount of opinion-skewed information and an infinite source of unhelpful tips online, parents are constantly caught in a loop of decision fatigue and authoritative insecurity.
How is a parent supposed to learn to trust their instincts when they are surrounded by so many opinions? Especially the biased opinions of a seemingly flawless, immaculately manicured momfluencer who curates her content to make it seem like she has it all figured out.
Talking Back
The formula to make it big as an influencer has been largely unchanged for decades. Shock and awe generate interest, thus increasing viewership, sponsorship opportunities, and ultimately, an influencers' cash flow. According to Katie Bishop, a journalist from BBC Features, content creators generate traction online and bolster their authority on their specific channel’s niche simply by creating more content. As their channel grows, so does their opportunity to make money. However, according to Sam Gruet and Megan Lawton BBC’s Tech Reporting Division, the quickest way for an influencer to gain a following, rise to the top, and make some serious cash is by posting rage bait. “Rage-baiting content is designed to be manipulative,” says Gruet. “The goal is simple: record videos, produce memes and write posts that make other users viscerally angry, then bask in the thousands, or even millions, of shares and likes.” By posting unpopular opinions or contradictory content, influencers can generate an enormous amount of chatter around their page. And, just like in Hollywood, all press is good press. Regardless of the public’s resounding approval (or vehement disapproval), comments, shares, and engagement create a positive feedback loop for a content creator’s page on every algorithm.
And momfluencers are not exempt from the rage bait moneygrab.
Parenting “experts” online create rage bait content without shame, posting unpopular mom opinions, neo-traditional parenting models, and unsolicited, yet opinionated parenting takes that undermine centuries of tired-and-true parenting ideals. Unfazed by the effect of their content on real-world parents, momfluencers are crippling an entire generation of new parents by seeding doubt, stirring the pot, and reaping the fiscal rewards of a successful rage bait post.
Despite understanding the chaos and curation of social media, modern parents experience the toxic pull of momfluencers, envying their seemingly perfect lives and parental simplicity. If only we could all be so confident. Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett, a young mother and journalist from The Guardian, says, “As well as carrying the weight of a baby, any mother with a smartphone carries with her a portal into the #blessed lives of others, which serves to highlight what we do not have.” It’s so hard for parents, lying awake next to their sleepless newborn, to remember that it’s all fake on social media. Momfluencers never share photographs of sticky handprints on the fridge, junky hall closets, or dark circles under their eyes from a restless night, they only push content that will guarantee their own personal success, strengthen their reputation, and enhance their own life.
However, awareness is the first step towards parental clarity.
While moms and dads struggle to make daily decisions for their children, they must remember that their kid is their kid and nobody, not even Mrs. Perfect Ashleigh Whatshername on Momtok, knows them better. There’s no definitive how-to instruction manual, there’s no secret parenting guide, and there’s certainly no one-size-fits-all parenting code. When a parent prioritizes the needs of their unique, special, and wonderfully flawed family, they no longer need the unsolicited opinions of strangers online. Because when you become the best version of yourself, you’re already light years ahead of those pesky parenting milestones.
Give yourself a break and trust your gut.
Via u/parentnormal